Wednesday, December 5, 2012

How To Confront A Homewrecker, Part 1


I would give anything for a face to face confrontation..eh-em I mean adult discussion with the woman who had such a key role in the break up of my marriage. Predictably, she avoided speaking with me and hid like the coward she is behind email. Poor thing. She had no way of knowing that I express myself so much better in writing...despite my being a notoriously bad proof reader. 

I began with a group text to the happy couple, waited about ten minutes, and then tried to call her. As the phone rang in my ear there was a part of me that hoped she would pick up and say something like, "Omg, I was just about to call you! This is all just a terrible misunderstanding. See, what happened was..." (Btw: two things that I really fucking hate are people over the age of thirty that use text-acronyms out loud, and people who rely solely on Facebook for their news. Both of which she does.) She didn't answer so, I emailed her:

On Sep 27, 2012, at 8:29 PM, LGG<LGG@bustedyourass.com> wrote:

I don't know why I expected you might have the courage to respond to me, but nothing surprises me now. I will be divorcing him, he's yours now. 

From: Mistress <mistress@homewrecker.com>
To: LGG <LGG@bustedyourass.com>
RE: 

Respond to what?  I'm sorry to hear about that, divorce is a tough process no matter how much the relationship has dissolved...I don't really think you two were happy together, but I certainly don't want him! I thought I knew him, but apparently I have no idea who he is. You will be much better off without him. I consider you a friend LGG.  I hope one day you will do the same.  
Mistress

From: LGG <LGG@bustedyourass.com>
To: Mistress <mistress@homewrecker.com>
RE: RE

That high IQ of yours tricks you into thinking that you can outsmart everyone. You, my friend, were having an emotional affair with my husband, and I'm not convinced that you didn't at some point share a kiss or fuck each other either. He admitted to me that you two decided mutually to break it off because your feelings for each other were getting to be to intense and it wasn't right–one day, literally, after he was trying to convince me that you really should be a bigger part of our lives and be named as the person who gets my kids if I die. Someday you'll come down from that pedestal you've put yourself on and admit to yourself that major boundaries were crossed. I hacked into his phone and I have many messages between the two of you that are clearly between two people who are more than just friends. Here's snapshots of a few, and the picture of the two of you that perhaps you didn't (but I know you did) see that I texted to you since you claim to be unsure of what you were supposed to "respond" to. The French caption says, "Everything has an end". A fool I am not, and a friend to me you never were. Oh, and sorry I ruined your plans for a trip with my husband to the beach and Morocco. Morocco is no place for you, especially under the eye of my mother and sister in law...who would never have accepted you. 

There are so many more supremely inappropriate "love" texts between the two of you, but the nausea I'm overcome with every time I look at them keeps me from sending them all to you. I should have paid more attention to our friend’s questions about the time you spend with my husband, but hind site is 20/20 as they say. I should have honored my instinct a long time ago to throw cold water on the two of you every time I saw you cuddling under my mother's "death blanket" as you called it (another example of your complete lack of empathy or boundaries for another person. Most people with a conscience would hear that and have some reverence for the life that was lost under that blanket, not continue to cuddle with the guy who's wife's mother had died a horrible death there.) And what grown up rough houses the way you two do? Grown ups who want to touch each other do. I hope it was all worth it for you both, all that I worked so hard for. It will never be the same for me, and any trust I had for either of you is gone. Thanks for the memories, cause I need some more really awful ones.

In response to your comment on how I will be better off without him I say: A patronizing tone always has its meaner side. There are those that are not able to pick up on it in the written word as well...I am not one of those people. "Look closely at those who patronize you. Half are unfeeling, half untaught." J.W. Von Goethe (he was a 19th century German poet, but you probably know that, being the genius* that you are.)

*Side Note: The first time I met this chick was when my husband invited her and her kids to dinner at our house. During the pretending-to-care-about-getting-to-know-you portion of the evening, she told me that she was a genius. I laughed assuming she was being witty and she said, “No seriously. I scored like a 140 on the IQ test.”  I’m no genius, but I don’t think it works like that. ‘Like’ is not really used to classify IQ scores. I told her that I scored a 108–someday I hope to work my way up to being diagnostically Average. 

She didn't respond to my RE:RE, but I would have another opportunity to voice myself to her.

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